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The dictionary defines joy variously as the emotion of great delight or happiness caused by something exceptionally good or satisfying; a source or cause of keen pleasure or delight; something or someone that provides a source of happiness; a person or thing that causes happiness.
How do I get that? How do I keep that? How do I experience joy in a life that, while it includes blessings, also includes unwanted, unexpected, and undesirable issues, problems, pain, trauma, as well as trouble and tribulation all around?
There is no question but that I have many blessings in my life. At the same time, I have experienced and still experience some drawbacks, trouble, hurts/harms, grief, and loss, including child sexual abuse; an absent father (Dad was out of our home before I was 11-years old); loss of one kidney due to cancer; a tumor in my brain; loss of vision in one eye resulting from radiotherapy to prevent further increase/expansion of my brain tumor …
So, how do I deal with that? And, how do I find joy in the midst of ALL the realities of my life—the good and the bad?
Earlier in my life, I sought happiness through lots of stuff that was only temporary. I smoked, I drank, I was sexually promiscuous with many women, and for a time I pretty much did whatever I felt like doing.
But the happiness always evaporated. Yes, it was fun and cool and pleasurable at the time. But eventually, it left me unfulfilled and, sometimes, dealing with unintended consequences—often too high a price to pay for what was only temporary.
What brings you happiness? When you’re “hit in the gut” with the circumstances of your life, what or who is it that enables you to keep on going? To what or to whom do you turn to be happy?
Fortunately, I’ve found a way to experience a kind of happiness that is lasting and transcends the everyday realities of my life—joy.
What is the source of my joy in the midst of my good AND my bad?
Allow me to share some selected passages from the Bible to answer that question.
There is so much more I could share with you about joy. But in the interest of time and space, let me end with this summary of how believing and living by these biblical truths in my life has and continues to bring me joy, both in the “good” and the “bad” of my life.
Are you looking for joy? Do you need joy in your life?
I invite you to believe in Jesus Christ and anchor your joy in Him.
Will that remove all issues, problems, pain, suffering, sorrow, trouble, or tribulation from your life?
No, not at all. The Bible doesn’t promise that to us in this life. (See, for example, John 16:33.)
But to those who are followers of Jesus Christ, the Bible does promise that God will walk with us through life and will never forsake us (Matthew 28:20; Hebrews 13:5).
And the Bible also promises those who believe and follow Jesus Christ that God will also work all things for good (Romans 8:28), ultimately including the inheritance of a new Heaven and Earth at the Second Coming of Jesus Christ (Revelation 21:1-8; Revelation 22:10-20).
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Copyright © 2023 Training for Transformation, Inc. All rights reserved.
Did you know that every 68 seconds, an American is sexually assaulted?
Or did you know that:
Or were you aware that from 2009-2013, Child Protective Services agencies substantiated, or found strong evidence to indicate that, 63,000 children a year were victims of sexual abuse? (Note: A majority of child victims are 12-17. Of victims of sexual assault and rape under the age of 18: 34% are under age 12, and 66% are age 12-17.)
These statistics do not tell the whole story about sexual violence, because there are other forms of sexual violence and, unfortunately, many cases of sexual violence are unreported because victims:
“Sexual violence is sexual activity when consent is not obtained or freely given.”
Sexual violence is an all-encompassing, non-legal term that refers to rape, sex trafficking, sexual assault, sexual abuse, child sexual abuse, incest, intimate partner sexual violence, and other forms of nonconsensual or forced sexual activity. (Note: Here in the USA, the legal definition of crimes vary from state to state.)
Sexual violence is a serious problem that profoundly impacts the health and wellbeing of those who are victims. And the impacts can be lifelong, especially if left unaddressed.
Yes!!! If you need help or know someone who does, consider these resources.
Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN)
National Domestic Violence Hotline
Read the brochure Breaking the Silence: You Can Stop the Violence. This can be a healthy step to getting the help you need.
First, be alert. “… Anyone can experience or perpetrate sexual violence. The perpetrator of sexual violence is usually someone the survivor knows, such as a friend, current or former intimate partner, coworker, neighbor, or family member. …”
Second, set aside myths and other common beliefs about sexual violence that are not true. These undermine efforts to prevent sexual violence, become an obstacle to taking appropriate actions when sexual violence does occur, and ultimately make it difficult for victims of sexual violence to receive the help and justice they so deserve.
Space in this blog does not permit an exhaustive review of these myths and false beliefs. To raise awareness about the facts about sexual violence, begin by reading the brochure Breaking the Silence: You Can Stop the Violence.
In the meantime, let me just call out some of the falsehoods that are common.
These are among the myths and common beliefs that are not true, which are obstacles to dealing lovingly and justly with victims of sexual violence.
Finally, if you suspect someone you know is being abused, the Women’s Ministries Department of General Conference of Seventh-day Adventists offers this counsel on how you can help.
Be alert!!! Don’t be a passive bystander. Do what you can to help stop sexual violence.
“Breaking the Silence: You Can Stop the Violence”
CDC, Injury Center, Violence Prevention, Intimate Partner Violence
CDC, Injury Center, Violence Prevention, Sexual Violence
RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network)
Visit the TFT Online Resource Center for more information about sexual abuse and exploitation.
Copyright © 2023 Training for Transformation, Inc. All rights reserved.
When Jesus was asked by his disciples to teach them how to pray, Jesus taught them what today we call the Lord’s Prayer. One sentence in the Lord’s Prayer asks God to forgive our sins, as we ourselves forgive the sins of others against us (see Luke 11:1–4 and Matthew 6:5-15).
Considering Genesis to Revelation in the Holy Bible, there is no question, at least for me, that God calls the disciples of Jesus Christ to forgive.
That said, does forgiveness cancel accountability and consequences? In other words, if I forgive a person, does that mean he/she is not answerable for his/her actions and/or that he/she will bear no consequences for their actions? Or, stated differently, are those who commit trespasses against me free of responsibility or free of any consequences for their actions by virtue of me forgiving them?
What does the Holy Bible say about this? Space does not permit an exhaustive review here. But let’s consider just one story from the Holy Bible that may shed some light on this question.
King David, Bathsheba, and Uriah
In the Old Testament (2 Samuel 11:1–27), the story is told King David, Bathsheba, and Uriah. What follows is a brief summary of their story.
One evening, King David was walking on the roof of his home, and he saw a beautiful woman bathing. David inquired about the woman, and learned that she was Bathsheba, the wife of Uriah. Even though King David knew she was married, he sent for her anyway, slept with her, and shortly thereafter learned from her that she was pregnant from their union.
At this time, King David’s army was at war. They were under the command of Joab, and Uriah was one among the troops. In an attempt to cover up their pregnancy, David sent word to Joab to have Uriah sent back to Jerusalem where he was. Once back in Jerusalem, David told Uriah to go home and spend some time there. His strategy was that while Uriah was home, he would sleep with his wife so that the pregnancy could be stealthily attributed to him.
But being the noble warrior he was, Uriah refused to go to the comforts of his home knowing that his comrades were at war battling an enemy. Instead, Uriah slept at the door of David’s house with his servants. So, David’s first attempt to cover up his adultery and resulting pregnancy failed.
David tried one more time. This time, he had Uriah eat and drink with him to the point that Uriah got drunk. David’s strategy was that being well-fed and drunk, Uriah would go home, sleep with his wife, and cover up his pregnancy with his wife Bathsheba. But again, Uriah did not go to his home and once again slept with David’s servants.
When David realized his plan was not going to work, he sent a written message back to Joab, in fact carried to Joab by Uriah, instructing Joab to put Uriah at a place where he knew there would be valiant soldiers so that Uriah would be killed.
Joab did what King David told him to do and Uriah was killed by enemy soldiers. After Bathsheba’s period of mourning was over for Uriah, David brought her to his home, and she became his wife.
So, King David lusted and coveted for Uriah’s wife Bathsheba, committed adultery with her, and got her pregnant. Then, he devised a deceptive plot to try to have the pregnancy attributed Uriah, and when that didn’t work arranged to have Uriah killed, and then brought his wife Bathsheba to his house to be his wife.
Nathan Rebukes David
Now, considering that David was described as a man after God’s own heart (1 Samuel 13:13-15) and that God had selected him to replace King Saul (1 Samuel 16:1-13), God could have chosen to cover up the matter and keep it quiet. I mean really, for this series of events to go public would have been, in the language of today, a public relations nightmare!
But instead, God chose to send one of his prophets to confront King David (2 Samuel 12:1–15):
“And the Lord sent Nathan to David. He came to him and said to him, “There were two men in a certain city, the one rich and the other poor. 2 The rich man had very many flocks and herds, 3 but the poor man had nothing but one little ewe lamb, which he had bought. And he brought it up, and it grew up with him and with his children. It used to eat of his morsel and drink from his cup and lie in his arms, and it was like a daughter to him. 4 Now there came a traveler to the rich man, and he was unwilling to take one of his own flock or herd to prepare for the guest who had come to him, but he took the poor man’s lamb and prepared it for the man who had come to him.” 5 Then David’s anger was greatly kindled against the man, and he said to Nathan, “As the Lord lives, the man who has done this deserves to die, 6 and he shall restore the lamb fourfold, because he did this thing, and because he had no pity.”
7 Nathan said to David, “You are the man! Thus says the Lord, the God of Israel, ‘I anointed you king over Israel, and I delivered you out of the hand of Saul. 8 And I gave you your master’s house and your master’s wives into your arms and gave you the house of Israel and of Judah. And if this were too little, I would add to you as much more. 9 Why have you despised the word of the Lord, to do what is evil in his sight? You have struck down Uriah the Hittite with the sword and have taken his wife to be your wife and have killed him with the sword of the Ammonites. 10 Now therefore the sword shall never depart from your house, because you have despised me and have taken the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be your wife.’ 11 Thus says the Lord, ‘Behold, I will raise up evil against you out of your own house. And I will take your wives before your eyes and give them to your neighbor, and he shall lie with your wives in the sight of this sun. 12 For you did it secretly, but I will do this thing before all Israel and before the sun.’” 13 David said to Nathan, “I have sinned against the Lord.” And Nathan said to David, “The Lord also has put away your sin; you shall not die. 14 Nevertheless, because by this deed you have utterly scorned the Lord, the child who is born to you shall die.” 15 Then Nathan went to his house. …”
King David Forgiven and Held Accountabile with Consequences
I don’t have space here to recount the full story of King David, Bathsheba, and Uriah. You can read that for yourself in 2 Samuel 11:1—20:26. Here, let me just note seven important takeaways from this story.
So, Does Forgiveness Cancel Accountability and Consequences?
Forgiveness does not necessarily cancel accountability and consequences. Forgiveness, accountability, and consequences may sometimes occur together. Throughout the Holy Bible, we see God’s love, and we also see God’s justice; and we see God’s forgiveness, grace, and mercy, and we also see God’s punishment and discipline.
Now, am I suggesting that I should forget about forgiveness, and focus instead on accountability and consequences? No! No! No! No! No! Certainly not! Or, am I suggesting that I should definitely forgive, and then race like a pit bull to vengence against the person I have forgiven? Again, no, no, no, no, no—absolutely not!!!
So, exactly what am I saying. To forgive another person does not necessarily nor always mean that the action(s) of the person forgiven is or should be left unaddressed.
Sometimes, the results of leaving sins unaddressed can lead to other undesireable consequences. Let me share three examples to explain.
First, a girl’s father was sexually abusing her. She did not want to report him because she loved her father and was concerned about what would happen to him if he was reported. Left unaddressed, he continued to sexually abuse her, as well as another sibling, and later his own grandchildren. It’s great to have concerns for the abuser. But what about concerns for the abused? Do they not count? Sometimes, leaving sins unaddressed may allow a person to continue bringing harm to others.
Second, during a service at a church I once attended, the Pastor got up and called upon the church to forgive the organist who had committed adultery. But at no point did I ever hear the Pastor get up and speak about the adultery the organist committed or the damage resulting from his adultery. I believe in forgiveness. Really, I do. I also believe in the commandments “You shall not commit adultery” and “you shall love your neighbor as you love yourself”. Do we promote forgiveness, and yet ignore sin and its consequences? Do we tell a wife who is living with an adulterous and abusive husband to forgive, and yet say nothing to or do nothing about the adulterous and abusive husband? Do we tell persons affected by the sins of others to forgive, while saying/doing nothing about the persons committing the sins? Sometimes, leaving sins unaddressed may create an environment where individuals feel enboldened and enabled to continue in sin.
Finally, a teacher was caught one night having sex in his car with one of his students. How did the church/school respond? They rallied around the teacher to support him, rather than rallying around the student to support her. In a situation like this, it is so very important to undertake a process to really look closely at what happen, get at its core, and take genuine steps to effectively help BOTH/ALL parties in the situation. Sometimes, we are so quick to jump on the forgiveness / restoration bandwagon, that we overlook the real victims of sin as well as miss an opportunity to work with those committing sins to address areas in their life where critical growth and transformation are needed.
To forgive is an important call of God to all the followers of Jesus Christ. At the same time, the story of King David, Bathsheba and Uriah indicates that sometimes accountability and consequences accompany forgiveness.
Do I have a formula to give you for whom, when, where and how that happens? No, that’s the kind of wisdom you want to get from the Holy Spirit (James 1:5). I just hope that you take away from this blog greater awareness that sometimes forgiveness, accountability and consequences occur together. You can forgive a person, and that person can still be held answerable, responsible, and accountable for his/her action(s), as was the case with King David.
For More Information
For notifications of upcoming blogs and other TFT updates, go to our Home page and Join Our Email List.
For more information about sexuality, wellness, and change, visit our online Resource Center.
Contact Us to schedule TFT coaching, communications, or consulting services.
Copyright © 2023 Training for Transformation, Inc. All rights reserved.