Dealing with Regrets

Dealing with Regrets
Thursday, March 27, 2025 by Dr James H Dotson Jr

Have you ever said something, done something, or missed an opportunity that you regret? You’re not alone. Most people have regrets about things in life. I know that’s true for me.

Regrets may arise related to education; work or career; relationships (e.g., parents, children, siblings, family, friends, significant others); health or self-improvement; finances; spirituality; and more.

With regrets, here are three key questions to answer. What can we do about it? How do we live a life with fewer regrets? How do we deal with the regrets we already have?

Let’s briefly explore these questions.

What is regret?

But first, let me define regret.

Regret is a self-focused negative emotion about something that has happened or been done by us.

We feel bad because we did or did not do something we believe we should or should not have done.

The negative emotions and the severity of those emotions vary depending on the person and the situation, but may include:

Self-blame;
Sadness;
Guilt;
Anger;
Anxiety;
Depression;
Disgust;
Frustration; and/or
A host of other negative emotions.

So, what do we do with our regrets? Consider these seven tips.

What are some strategies for dealing with regrets?

Own your regrets.

There is little to no benefit to denying or stuffing or repressing your regrets. Own them—not to be consumed by them but in order to learn, grow and change from them. It’s difficult to impossible to deal with regrets if not honestly acknowledged. There comes a point when it’s important, yes even essential, to say “I made a mistake.” “I messed up.” “I was wrong.”

Whenever possible, repair or restore what gave rise to your regrets.

If you can correct it or fix it or reclaim it, by all means do so.

If you committed a wrong against another person, confess, repent, and seek forgiveness—from God and from the person. Eliminate the “but”—no excuses or attempts to justify. Just acknowledge and ask for forgiveness. And, whenver possible, restore or replace the damage done.

BUT, be sure to respect the privacy of the other person. If they’ve asked you not to connect with them, respect their wishes. Or, if connecting with them would cause them further harm, stand down. In this case, speak or write a letter of confession—that you DO NOT send to the person—that you share in a safe and confidential setting.

If it’s an opportunity you missed or squandered, endeavor to reclaim it. If that’s not possible, focus on making the most of the life you have now.

Process the past and learn from your experiences.

Take a careful look at what happened. Look for lessons learned that you can apply to your life now and going forward to help you minimize repeats of what gave rise to your regrets. “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” Learn from your regrets and live wisely from the lessons you learn from them.

Cultivate a new garden of thoughts and feelings.

With regret, you tend to focus on negative emotions. Engage in activities or practices that generate positive emotions, like a hobby, or recreation, or meditating on the promises of God, or spending time with great friends.

Pursue your dreams.

With regret, you tend to focus on the past. Focus forward to pursuing your dreams and living your best life possible.

Live a life of love.

Let your modus operandi going forward be loving God as the first priority of your life and loving your neighbor as you love yourself as the second priority of your life (Matthew 22:36-40, NLT). Look for opportunities to lovingly serve others, e.g., engage in random acts of kindness. Living a life a love is very fulfilling and will help to replace your nagging thoughts of regret.

If you’re stuck in your regrets, get help.

If/when your regret(s) reaches the point of being all-consuming and/or interfering with your “normal” day-to-day functioning, consider looking for help, for example: counseling; group therapy; or participating in a support group. And, equally important, invite God to equip you and empower you to live in his love, forgiveness, grace and mercy.