Confronting the Realities of Pre-Marital Sex: Part 3

Confronting the Realities of Pre-Marital Sex: Part 3—Transformed
Friday, May 3, 2024 by Donna Cameron, PhD

Welcome to Transformed, Part 3 in a 3-part series, Confronting the Realities of Pre-Marital Sex. For my complete story, check out Part 1 and Part 2, Tangled and Frustrated. There, you’ll learn about a time when my heart and my mind were jumbled up and confused, and I lived a life that was disappointing and inconsistent with beliefs I valued.

Now, let me share how I moved from tangled and frustrated, to transformed.

Powerless

My sexual behaviors had become unmanageable, and I was powerless to do anything to fix it.

I was POW-ER-less!!! Repeat after me: powerless!!!

My promises to live consistently with my values were, as one Christian writer put it, like ‘ropes of sand.’

Change Begins

After several years of engaging in sexual intimacy outside of marriage, I finally dragged myself into a fellowship of other people who were also struggling with unhealthy relationships. In those meetings and conversations with the members, I finally started to believe that God had enough grace, forgiveness, love, and power to change people—even change me.

Because I am also a musician, song lyrics also reminded me that I could transfer my uselessness-masquerading-as-power to the Higher Power I call God. Divine help was “Just a Prayer Away” (Yolanda Adams).

“If you don’t have a willing heart, ask Him to give you one. If you can’t seem to make a start, trust in His power. For the Lord of love is watching you. He sees what you’re going through. He will make a way—if you want Him to. Do you want Him to? Then tell Him so.” (Willing Heart, Kelly Willard)

Transformed

I took the challenge. I started to pray. I told God I wanted to do better, but I just couldn’t do it alone—not in my own strength, willpower, education, or culture.

He came through—God accepted the job of helping me overcome my powerlessness. Now I’m under new management.

I was transformed—Anyone who believes in Christ is a new creation. The old is gone! The new has come! (2 Corinthians 5:17, NIrV)

This is what it feels like to wake up free and forgiven!

God gave me a life companion—freedom from hiding; sexual enjoyment God’s way; acceptance of my defects of character; and opportunities to learn, grow and change in a committed relationship.
God gave me the joys of parenting—and grandparenting!
God helps me believe the things He says about me.
God helps me silence nagging self-defeating thoughts and words.
“God didn’t go to all the trouble of sending his Son merely to point an accusing finger, telling the world how bad it was. He came to help, to put the world right again.” (John 3:16–17, MSG)
God gives me peace of mind—I marvel at the way this gift transforms my everyday life.
God is doing for me what I could not do for myself!

Let me end this post by sharing a coveted gift from God.

Knowing how much I love colors, fabrics, creative expressions and beautiful design, God gave me the gift of curating stylish outfits, from thrifted pieces no less! Skillfully choosing interchangeable pieces to create countless looks and outfits! Compliments galore! Wearing my faith! Shining with elegance, not sexiness! What an amazing assortment of gifts!

A New Me

In Tangled, Part 1 of this series, I told you about some distortions I had about God that led to wrong thinking and behaving that were not consistent with my values.

In Frustrated, Part 2, I revealed some consequences of these distortions, including experiences with sex outside of marriage.

But best of all, in Transformed, Part 3, I share with you just how freeing and joyful it feels to go from Tangled and Frustrated, to Transformed in and with the power of God. TFT!